A while back I picked up a copy of ‘Entre Nous: A Woman’s Guide to Finding her Inner French Girl’, and I’ll admit, I didn’t have very high expectations from the outset. I had it pinned as a frivolous, light-hearted read cut from the same mould as the other female “instruction manuals” that have been churned out in abundance in recent years (think ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ et al) but nonetheless, I am pleased to report that I was pleasantly surprised by this little treasure trove of information!
Like many of us, I have always been interested in the beautiful language and endlessly chic style of the French. The appeal of France (and most relevantly, the city of Paris) for foreigners isn’t a new concept at all — in fact, in the mid-nineteenth century, English writer and social observer Fanny Trollope wrote in ‘Paris and the Parisians’: “That manner, gait, and carriage that expression of movement, and, if I may say so of limbat, once so remarkable and so impossible to imitate, is very singular. It is in vain that all the women of the earth come crowding to this mart of elegance.”
Well, not much has changed since then, and ‘Entre Nous’ joins the ranks as another testament to the fact that the French fascination is still very much alive and kicking!
In French, Entre Nous basically means “between you and me.” A fitting title, as the book is written like a series of conversations in which the author “spills the beans” on the elusive French woman — decoding the mystery behind her inimitable aesthetic, her self possession, her diet, and ultimately, the essence of what it means to be French.
The author, Debra Ollivier, is an American woman who married a Frenchman and spent a decade living in France (where her children were also born). Intertwined throughout the book are Ollivier’s social and philosophical observations and her personal encounters, which accurately highlight the stark differences between the American and French cultures. She provides anecdotal evidence at regular intervals:
(Note: haha!)
Also sprinkled throughout the tome are a collection of ‘asides’ which summarise important points, teach us how to “borrow a page from the French girl’s book” and act as mini-bio’s on famous French girls. The glorious Catherine Deneuve, and legends such as Coco Chanel and Josephine Bonaparte all get a mention… as do the famous films and literature that have captured the spirit of the French with such clarity, including Amelie and the timeless works of Simone de Beauvior.
So what is it that makes the French woman so special?
How does she leave everyone wondering what it is she has that other women can’t seem to get, no matter how hard they try?
Both historically and in modern times, La Parisienne has been put forth as the representation of the quintessential French woman. She is the one we equate with style and chic. Insolently thin, utterly self confident, sensual and elegant, with a cigarette in one hand and Foucault in the other. She is Paris personified and a mystery unto herself.
However, despite the usual stereotyping, in Entre Nous, the author takes a more holistic approach — which is both interesting, and in my opinion, a lot more realistic. She acknowledges Miss Paris (who, in all honesty, is part romantic myth) but goes further to present the French woman as a composite of many extraordinary paradoxes.
When defining the French girl, Ollivier says:
The archetypal French girl is not the woman you see on the cover of fashion magazines or on the big screen. Nor is she the woman you see strolling the rue St. Honore. She is a distillation of her culture’s complex and enduring predilections: she is an essence, a way of being, a mind-set — and she exists in us all. She is that part of us that is free — and not bound up by Puritan morality or guilt. She is that part of us that has a sense of continuity in life, that doesn’t rush, that feels sexy for no apparent reason. She is, more fundamentally, that part of us that does not live according to what others think she should be. She is her own woman. Entirely.” So, without giving too much more away, here are the author’s secrets to finding and uncovering your inner French girl. Amusez-vous tres bien!
Self-possession: Follow your own agenda. Find your own centre and live there. Resist the pressure to be someone you are not. Stand out from the crowd. Be self-contained and self-confident. Feed your mind; be curious and open to life. Cultivate impressions and opinions. Put your personal stamp on everything.
Seek Sensuality: Delight the senses. Be fully conscious of beauty in the details of everyday life. Find pleasure in ordinary moments. Find pleasure in extraordinary moments. Remember bein dans sap eau (“to feel good in one’s skin”). When flirting, practice subtle sensuality rather than in-your-face sexuality. Play with light as an accent in your home — lamp light, candle light, things that flicker and glow. Set the mood. Remember that sexy is a state of mind. Give kisses when greeting.
Body Care: Celebrate the body for all its beauty. Spritz yourself with delicious perfume, use fine-smelling soaps, pamper yourself with relaxing facials and massages. Pay attention to every part of your body. Feed your skin. Drink water. Indulge in sleep. Breathe deeply.
Style: Develop a unique, individual look. Don’t dress to trends — dress to your strengths and bend the trends to complement these strengths. Invest in a few perfect pieces: the perfect black dress, the perfect white shirt, the perfect coat and the perfect trousers. INDULGE in sexy shoes! Consider how you feel in your clothes, as well as how you look. Luxurious underwear is de riguer — choose quality pieces for your collection of intimates. Buy thoughtfully, and try not to indulge in impulse buys. Find yourself a trademark scarf, a distinctive necklace or an antique ring. As a friend of Ollivier’s says in the book, “A real accessory has personal meaning. It’s a small extension of oneself.”
Value Quality and Authenticity: Understand that less is more, as long as it is an expression of quality and authenticity. Resist the urge to spend too much money on the disposable, the trendy or the faux; invest in timeless pieces. Say no to excess.
Friendship: Nurture friendships instead of collecting them. Deepen and clarify existing relationships before adding new ones. Invite friends into your home thoughtfully as as a meaningful gesture of friendship.
Practice Discretion: Think before you speak. Leave some things unsaid. Respect secrets. Go gently against the grain. Resist the impulse to gossip incessantly. Cultivate the art of saying “No” with tact and mindfulness. Learn to let go of your perceptions of what other people think of you.
When it comes to men… Let go of the myth of ‘the perfect man.’ Focus on your power as an individual. If a relationship isn’t working, move on. Maintain your inner strength. Never apologise for who you are.
Eating: Understand the notion that food and pleasure should not be divorced from one another; savour your meals. Be ritualistic about preparing, serving and eating your food. Eat modest portions of excellent food, rather than giant portions of junk. Eat fresh vegetables and fruit. Don’t shop as if it is a chore.
Work and Play: Invest in your work life but strive for balance. Remember that work is something you do, not who you are. Make time for leisure — turn off your computer, ditch your cell phone, read, ride your bike, paint, go shopping. Luxuriate in the art of doing absolutely nothing.
Elegance and style are often qualities touted as being synonymous with the French — but I think the most meaningful thing that the reader needs to remember when pouring over the pages of Entre Nous is that, while the focus is clearly on the French femme, the fundamentals explained by the author are, ultimately, universal.
Seeking beauty and sensuality in everything; feeding your mind and cultivating opinions; stretching your own boundaries of experience and keeping your sense of adventure thriving; rejecting certain aspects of the status quo — these are all characteristics alive in each and every one of us, regardless of culture or class.
My conclusion? Entre Nous is an interesting, easy-to-read book that does a terrific job of capturing and explaining the mystique of the French woman and her approach to life — and yep, it definitely has my recommendation! One of the bits I loved in the book is a part where the author details a conversation with her friend Natalie, who unknowingly sums up the French girlishness in a single line. I think we can all take something from this:
Oui, oui! (Oh, and if this book doesn’t make you want to jump on the next plane to ‘gay Pari’ to eat cheese, drink wine, and shop shop shop, I don’t know what will!)
Au revoir!
Rach xxx
