Photo by mboogiedown

I work in an industry (Public Relations) where it is all about communication, so I thought I would share my tips for holding fabulous, flowing, and mutually beneficial conversations!

1. MAKE A GOOD FIRST IMPRESSION
This one is pretty self-explanatory — always remember to show off your most glorious, wonderful self! Even if you are feeling low or not in the mood to speak to someone, introduce yourself with a smile, and shake the other person’s hand with a firm (not crushing) grip! Be charming, not fake, and be the person that gets remembered for all the right reasons! 

Check this out for more information on making a good first impression!

2. LISTEN 
This is the most important part of any conversation. Don’t listen solely to find a gap in the conversation in which you can take the floor — be genuine, wait your turn, & show the other person that you have absorbed what they’ve said before rushing in and stealing the limelight! Use eye contact and listening body language. Be careful about crossing your arms and appearing closed or critical; also, avoid looking around the room, or at your shoes or watch!  Occasional statements such as “I see,” or “Okay” show the person that you are listening and you’re interested in what they have to say. Another thing you might like to do, depending on the situation, is lightly touch the person on the arm, which can emphasise your agreement or empathy and make the person feel more connected to you (I’m a pretty “touchy” person, though, so take this as you please!)

WikiHow has a great article on How to Be a Good Listener here.

3. ASK QUESTIONS
What do they do for work? What’s going on in their life? Where are they from/what are they passionate about? Questions and answers naturally flow in conversations, and often one will piggyback off the other — however, be curious and show interest in the other person so that the conversation doesn’t revolve solely around them doing the asking and you doing the answering. People love to talk about themselves or their area of expertise, so ask them questions about their life and show a genuine interest in their responses. Likewise, use this an an opportunity to learn from the other person; everyone has something unique to offer. Ask open ended questions that require more than a “yes” or “no” answer, and remember to be polite at all times — probing and asking uncomfortable questions definitely doesn’t make for good conversation! Nobody likes to squirm! 

For suggestions for questions to ask in conversations, read here.

4. CONSIDER YOUR GESTURES 

Effective communicators — those who appear confident, trustworthy and competent — usually have strong body language. Does your body language back you up, or do you appear nervous, withdrawn, or bored? Don’t be afraid to gesture passionately with your hands when you speak — often the way we say something is just as important, if not more important, than the actual words themselves. When you are speaking with conviction, make sure your body language complements your message.

This article has more information on gesturing effectively when you speak.

5. PARAPHRASE

Using your own words, respond to the speaker by reiterating what they have said and showing your understanding. You may like to say something like: “Let me see if I’ve got this right, what you’re saying is…” or “I totally agree with the point you made when you said…” When you use paraphrasing techniques, the speaker has a chance to correct your understanding, affirm it, or embellish on it. A word of warning, though — don’t go over the top! “Parroting” the whole conversation back to the speaker is tres annoying!

6. DON’T PANIC IF THE CONVERSATION LOSES MOMENTUM

If the topic seems to have run out, use the silence to think for a moment and identify another conversation topic or question to ask them. Maybe they mentioned something earlier that you would like to revisit? Or perhaps you want to inject your own thoughts into the conversation? Don’t make a big deal out of the silence (and please, don’t highlight the lack of flow by saying something that draws attention to it, such as: “Gee, that was awkward!”) Take the pause as on opportunity to re-gather your thoughts, ask more questions, give an opinion, or make an observation, and you will transition smoothly back in to conversation in no time! 

7. DON’T INTERRUPT

Try not to cut the other person off mid-sentence. It’s disrespectful and gives the impression that you think that what you have to say is more important than what they are saying. Listen carefully, allow the person to finish & when the time is right, continue on and say your piece! 

Here’s an interesting piece on interrupting!

8. KNOW WHEN THE CONVERSATION IS OVER!

Even the best conversations will eventually run out of steam or be ended by an interruption. Take cues from the other person, and if they are starting to fidget, look around, or appear to be “rushing you” along, know when to wrap it up & make a grand departure! Shake the person’s hand again (and exchange business cards if you are in a work situation), let them know that you have really enjoyed speaking with them, and always end the conversation on a positive note by telling them you would love the opportunity to get together again soon!

Additional Tips: 

• Don’t use the conversation to boost your ego, or show off your knowledge/ wit/ prowess! You should leave a conversation feeling that both parties had ample opportunity to take the floor. 
• Always think before you speak — don’t argue for the sake of it. If you disagree with something the other person has to say, express your viewpoint simply and without putting the other person on the defensive. It is better to simply change the subject in a casual conversation than to get involved in an argument. Remember to be courteous, gracious and respectful. 
• If the other person refuses to listen or contribute, see that as a reflection on them, not you!
• Be sincere! Give compliments when you mean them — over-the-top flattery often comes across as fake, and people will pick up on it!

The purpose of a conversation isn’t to intimidate, control or belittle the person you are communicating with; rather it is to enjoy yourself, ensure the other person is enjoying themself, and if you are lucky, to walk away with having learned something special from that person. Happy conversing my lovelies!

“What I hearing you saying is….(!!!)”

Rach xxx