The 10-Step Post-Break-Up Plan!

June 30, 2008

Photo by rakelilla/robin

There’s no doubt about it — break-ups hurt. Whether you’re the one that did the breaking up or the one that got dumped, the end of a relationship can make you feel inadequate, lonely, dejected, or just plain heart-wrenchingly sad. Below are my ideas on surviving, bouncing back and healing your heart quickly in the confusing time following a break-up:

  1. Detox time! What would be the first thing you would do if you were embarking on a health kick? You’d remove the junk currently residing in your refrigerator, right? Well, when it comes to break-ups, the formula is much the same — the temptations (in this case, temptations to wallow!) have gotta go! This new phase of your life calls for a clean out of reminders of you and your ex. Box up old photo’s and letters, and delete emails and text messages. What you focus on is what you feel, so follow the old ‘out of sight, out of mind’ rule to eradicate painful emotional triggers. I’m not saying it will necessarily be an easy task, but believe me, it will really help speed up the grieving process. Promise.
  2. While you’re at it, why not give your house/ room a spring clean? I find cleaning to be amazingly therapeutic and it will definitely take your mind off things for a while! Break out the vacuum cleaner, throw on your bikini, crank up your stereo, and get cleaning-crazy!
  3. Be kind to your body. When we feel stressed or upset, our emotions can wreak havoc on our bodies, and it’s especially important at a time like this to try and look after ourselves. Drink lots of water, eat regular, healthy meals, and steer clear of alcohol or substances — these depressants will only make you feel a thousand times worse in the long run.
  4. Exercise. It’s my fail-safe fix for any emotional crisis — I just find it such an incredible mind-clearing tool. Even if your endorphin buzz is short-lived, remind yourself that even small spurts of happiness are better than nothing. Your normal, vibrant, happy-go-lucky demeanour will return before you know it, and I think you will find that taking a proactive approach to working through your emotions is the fastest cure for a broken heart.
  5. Make an effort to throw on your favourite outfit, fix your hair, put on some make-up and get back out into the world! Hiding away in your pyjama’s, bleary-eyed, devouring blocks of chocolate and watching romantic movies unfortunately won’t have a very positive effect on your mood, so try and pick yourself back up and do something fun, just because you can. Go dancing, flirt, eat cupcakes in a cafe and stay so long the owners have to kick you out! It’s important to feel your way through your emotions, but it’s equally important when you are feeling flat to deposit innumerable amounts of glee back into your life… and the little things really do work!
  6. Seek out some new friends. Sometimes people feel torn by loyalty to both parties when a couple breaks up, so it’s always nice to branch out and meet new people. This doesn’t mean you have to stop seeing your current acquaintances — you’re merely adding new, happy faces to your friendship bank! Bond with people over common interests, see your glorious self as an outsider would, and check your relationship baggage at the door — remember that the process of making new friends is so you can move forward to better and brighter things!
  7. Take a trip somewhere fabulous! What are you waiting for? Generating new memories is the best way to stop backtracking and clinging on to the past. Sometimes, just separating yourself geographically from the situation can have a tremendously positive effect. Give it a go!
  8. Spend time alone. Re-connect with YOU. Meditate. Think. Plan. Recover. Set goals for the future that will enable you to reach your full potential as an individual.
  9. Move past feelings of rejection, loneliness, abandonment, and insecurity. These emotions will hold you back and undermine the healing process. Accept, forgive, and move forward with an open heart.
  10. Embrace new activities! You’ll probably find that you have some spare time on your hands now, so do something for yourself! Join a club, sign up for a course, fulfill a passion. The world is your oyster — set your heart on fire my little bright spark!

Please, please don’t bottle your feelings and drown your soul in sorrow. Talk it through. Get support. If you ever need someone to chat to, or just a shoulder to cry on, send me an email. In the time following a break-up, re-introduce to the world your wonderful, intriguing, wise, self — and remember, when one door closes, another one always opens. I firmly believe that!

Over to you:
What are your tips for dealing with a break-up? How have you dealt in the past? Spill the beans in the comments section! We all deal with things differently, so I would love to hear you take on it all!

Warm, affectionate hugs, big kisses & all the happiness in the world coming your way!

Rach xxx

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Beauty Tips from Audrey Hepburn

June 24, 2008

Photo by nellyjie 
 

1. For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

2. For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

3. For beautiful hair, let a child run his of her fingers through it once a day.

4. For poise, walk with the knowledge you’ll never walk alone.

5. People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anybody.

6. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.

7. The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. 

8. The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to the heart, the place where love resides.

9. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives and the passion that she shows. And the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows.

Never truer words spoken!

Rach xxx

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Job Interviews: Everything You Need To Know!

June 23, 2008

Photo by plaxocalendar

Job interviews can be daunting and intimidating. Believe me, I’ve had personal experience with them in recent times (in fact, I just got a shiny, brand-spankin’ new job last week!), which is why I’ve decided to put together this comprehensive guide that covers everything you will need to know about preparing yourself, dressing for monumental success, and absolutely blitzing your next interview! 

Preparing for the interview

Demonstrate a “good fit” — To get your head around the role you are interviewing for, list the requirements of the job point by point, then match them up with your experience. Make sure you commit all this to memory. 

Know the organisation — Do your research. Ask around; Google the company. Most organisations have websites these days, so trawl through them and find out things like: the products and services they offer; their target market; major competitors; company size & locations, etc.

Review your resume — I always like to give my resume a once over before going to a job interview — after all, you got the interview because the interviewer saw something in your CV that appealed to them. Identify what that is & remind yourself of your past accomplishments before the big day.

Answering tricky questions

It’s a good idea to jot down some answers to potential interview questions, as the more prepared you are, the less likely it is that you will freeze up if you are caught off-guard. Here’s some inspiration to help you get started! 

“Tell me about yourself.”
Demonstrate characteristics of your personality that relate to the job at hand. If you are interviewing for an administration position, for example, explain that you are highly organised and efficient. Show them that you have a bright, friendly and positive personality. Think about words such as: determined, integral, ambitious, hard-working, energetic, and so on.

“What are your reasons for leaving your last job?”
Martin Yate, author of Knock ‘em Dead 2007: The Ultimate Job Search Guide, suggests you choose one of the following reasons for leaving your last job:

Challenge: You weren’t able to grow professionally in that position
Location: The commute was unreasonably long
Advancement: There was nowhere for you to go
Money: You were underpaid for your skills and contribution
Pride or prestige: You wanted to work with a better company
Security: The company was not stable

“Why were you out of work for so long?”
If you took time off to travel the world, don’t be afraid to tell the interviewer. Globetrotting has become commonplace these days, and in my opinion, it’s certainly not a negative thing (well, unless you let slip that you can’t remember much of your time abroad because you were too busy guzzling Jagerbombs and vying for the title of National Vomit Champion*).  Play up the ‘life-experience’ factor, and explain how you felt it was fundamental to your development. 

If you didn’t venture overseas, but have considerable gaps in your work history on your CV, explain that you took the time off to seriously consider your next move. Tell the interviewer that it is important to you that you enjoy your work and you have been looking for an opportunity to work for a company in which you can make a solid long-term contribution.

(*Wow, can I just make a note here about how impressed I am by my ability to include “National Vomit Champion” in an article about job interviews. OH YES I DID!) 

“Why do you want to work here?”
The interviewer is basically testing your knowledge on the company when they ask this question. It’s your chance to shine and show them that you are serious about the role! Explain what appeals to you about their product/ service. Also tell them that, through your research, you can see that the company has a strong reputation for providing a stable and happy work environment, and that you feel that this will really encourage your best work. 

“What are your biggest accomplishments?”
Elaborate on your biggest achievement. Explain how you changed a process/ resolved an issue/ opened a new account/ built successful client relationships/ had work published, etc. Make sure you tell the interviewer that you are proud of your accomplishment (you should be!) Round your answer off by saying that you always strive to produce results of the highest standard, and in that sense, you are excited about all the achievements that still lie ahead for you!

“What is the most difficult situation you have faced?”
The interviewer wants to see, firstly, how you define “difficult” and secondly, how you handle tough situations. Tell them about the skills and techniques you applied to solve a specific problem.

“What are your salary expectations?”
If you are unaware of the salary for the role, ask to discuss the approximate pay range and answer in general terms. This is something that can be negotiated once an offer is made.

“What would you like to be doing five years from now?”
I think the best response to this question should include a statement about your desire to constantly challenge yourself and move forward. Explain that you like to be regarded as a professional and a team player, and express an interest in growing with the organisation and moving up the ranks.

“Why should I hire you?”
Make the answer short and to the point. Tell them you are the best person for the job, and back it up! Highlight areas from your background that relate to the job description.

What questions should I ask?

At the end of the interview, the interviewer will generally ask you if you have any questions.  You might like to ask: 

  • What is the next stage in the process — when will I receive feedback from this interview?
  • What are the key challenges of this role?
  • What long-term career opportunities are available?
  • What’s the company’s view on training?
  • How would you describe the workplace culture?

 

On the day…

Dressing for Success 
In most cases, the first judgement a potential employer makes about you when you arrive for an interview is how you look and what you are wearing. The aim here is to make a great impression and project an image that screams “I’m a professional, and you need me for this job!” Below are some fab prospective outfits for job interviews:

 

Things to Keep in Mind:

  • Err on the side of conservative — it’s quite boring, I know, but you know what they say about first impressions! Making the effort to dress appropriately shows the interviewer that you expect to be taken seriously. It’s polite, it shows you are interested in ‘wowing’ them, and the best bit? It will give you a little confidence kick knowing you look like you mean business!
  • Get your ensemble ready the night before. Give your outfit a test run, then press your clothes & polish your shoes. Shine ‘em up baby!
  • Try & lay off the heavy makeup — minimal is best! A light foundation, an inconspicuous blush, a clear/lightly coloured lip gloss, neutral eyeshadow (if you feel the need), black/ brown eyeliner & a coat of mascara says ‘chic’ (not ‘SHREEIIIIK!!’)
  • File nails so that they are tidy, & slick on one coat of clear or very light pink/ pearl nailpolish
  • Spritz yourself lightly (with an emphasis on lightly!) with an unobtrusive perfume —  a light floral fragrance always works a treat!
  • I usually pull my hair up for interviews, but if you decide to wear it out, ensure it is nicely blow-dryed & you have tamed those crazy fly-aways! If your hair tends to fall over your eyes, my advice is to pin it back for a more elegant look.

 

Flip your perspective — The words “job interview” always seem to conjure up negative connotations in our minds, but this needn’t be the case! I think we get caught up in fear and worry because we doubt our own abilities and capacity to “say the right thing” on the spot. Forget this! Put the interviewer in proper perspective — remember, they are just another human being like yourself! Let me put it to you that, from now on, instead of thinking ‘job interview’, you shift your thinking and see the whole experience as an exciting opportunity to meet and have a conversation with someone new. Old word: job interview. New word: conversation! Much better, don’t you think?!

Don’t be late — Arrive at least 15 minutes before your allotted interview time. Allow plenty of time for travel (it also helps if you have sussed out the location of the venue before the day of the interview). Give yourself 5 minutes before you go in for one last pep talk, and breathe! 

Be friendly & smile — Introduce yourself with a firm handshake and use great eye contact throughout the entire interview.  Display good manners — be professional and courteous. Use your enthusiasm as your arsenal! A little personality goes a long, long way…

Listen to the interviewer — This goes without saying! Refrain from interrupting, and if you don’t understand a question (or if something a bit left-field gets thrown your way), a good tip is to say, “I’m sorry, do you mind repeating the question?” The interviewer will generally elaborate at this point, and it will buy you a little more time to think up a brilliant answer!

Deal with nerves — Being nervous is normal and most experienced interviewers understand this. Many people tend to be overly talkative when they’re feeling nervous, so if this sounds like you, stick to the question being asked and answer it concisely. Try not to go off on tangents! A fantastic technique my mother told me about to quash nerves is to press your thumb into the middle (the reflex point) of your opposite palm. Apparently this is a technique that world leaders use before public speaking, and it works, I swear!    

After the interview

If you haven’t heard back from the interviewer within the specified timeframe, my advice is to make a follow-up call. Unfortunately, sometimes interviewers will fail to notify you if you haven’t been successful, and I highly recommend you take the initiative here — if not for peace of mind, then to ensure you don’t let any other job opportunities pass you by in the meantime! Every interview is a learning experience, so if you’re not successful, ask for some feedback. I find this really useful because it allows you to determine what you did well and what you need to improve for next time. I once went for an interview that I thought I had nailed, only to find out I had missed out because a candidate with 15 years experience in the role had beaten me to the post. In this case, calling for feedback really helped, as the interviewer assured me I was doing the right thing, but that, unfortunately, experience had won out over enthusiasm this time round. Don’t forget to remind yourself of that comforting, old adage (I pretty much live my life by it!): “What is for you, won’t go past you.”    

If you were unsuccessful, but still really want to work for the company, it’s always a nice touch to write a letter or email thanking the interviewer for giving you the opportunity to try out for the job, and asking them to keep your CV on record. You never know what will come up down the track, and besides, why wouldn’t you want to be remembered as that girl/ guy with impeccable manners?!

Closing thoughts:
Remember, the only way to appear confident in an interview is to actually believe you deserve the job. If you truly believe in yourself, that sense of self-assuredness will radiate from all your actions — the way you speak, your body language, your ability to present your experience and skills in the best possible light — and the interviewer will definitely pick up on it. If you don’t receive the desired outcome from your interview, remember to pick yourself up again and launch into a new opportunity with the same energy and optimism. I think that sometimes life gives you exactly what you are fearful of, to teach you, through direct experience, how your negative thoughts can draw to you the exact thing you have been dreading. Focus on success, draw out the lessons from your losses, and remember Thomas Edison! Whatever happens, don’t be disheartened!

…And, last but not least, always keep this in mind: you are interviewing THEM just as much as they are interviewing YOU! It’s about both parties finding something that suits their needs! Best of luck!

Also worth a peek:

Go forth, dazzle & conquer… you know you can!

Rach xxx

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Creating Your Personal Style

June 13, 2008

As a follow-on from yesterday’s Style vs. Fashion article, today I’ll explain how to define your own personal style!

Keeping in mind that the evolution of your style is a personal and ephemeral process, there are no hard-and-fast rules for achieving something that, essentially, is different for every one of us. Fashion might spout off 10 Things You Must Buy this Winter!, but style is more about refining your vision over time and creating a look that empowers you and makes you feel good. Below is a comprehensive guide to help you unleash your inner style icon!

1. Make a list of people whose style you admire

These can be fictional or real people, movie characters, celebrities, or people you know. Determine which elements of their style you love — is it the fact that their hair always looks slightly messy and ‘undone’, or does the contrast of their pale skin and signature ruby lips make you swoon?

Collect photos of your icons — tear pages out of magazines and print pics from the web (sites like Flickr, The Sartorialist or Foto Decadent are all fantastic sources of inspiration). Be wary of copying a look head-to-toe — becoming a clone is not the objective! Instead, identify the elements of their style that you think will translate well for you (for example, their penchant for heavy black eyeliner or 50’s style frocks), and add your own unique flavour to make the look all yours!

Extra tidbit:

  • Check out the Vogue Cover archive for hair, make-up & artistic inspiration… I love trawling through this!

2. Create a Personal Style Book


Page from my Personal Style Notebook

 

Because I had access to every fashion magazine under the sun at my last job, I used to have a ring binder folder (with plastic sleeves) filled with hundreds of magazine tear-outs, quotes from designers (Coco Chanel, Karl Lagerfeld et al), mood/ trend board print outs, and other interesting things such as make-up and hairstyles I coveted, unusual design elements and great colour combinations.

While the binder allowed me to easily slip in new tear-outs, it ended up becoming a hulking beast of a thing — and unless you have somewhere to display a binder so that you can flick through it on a regular basis, my suggestion is to create a style notebook instead.

Start by ripping out everything you love from your favourite magazines and printing pictures from websites. Amazing photoshoots, outfits you adore, interesting words, beautiful shoes or accessories to die for… it all belongs in your style book. You might like to break the book up into seasons, and have pages dedicated to warm and cold weather looks. Alternatively, you might like to follow Nubby Twiglet’s lead and produce collages with various themes — for instance, monochrome, or pink, or stripes and swirls! Anything goes — be creative!

Also, think about hair and make-up. Stick in pictures of made up faces that you think look amazing (you can get ideas from the beauty pages of magazines, and the M.A.C website has some beautiful illustrations as well). Brush a few strokes of your favourite nailpolish shades on the pages of your style book, and make a list of products you need to round out your beauty collection.


Example of Style Board

Extra tidbits:

  • Make a style board (I used to do this by creating collages in Photoshop, using pictures from websites and scanned images from magazines — see above). Stick on the door of your closet for ample inspiration!
  • Start an inspiration file on your computer. You might like to organize your folders according to the type of item, or colour, or whatever!
  • In the same vein, why not stick images on a cork board and hang your bedroom wall?

 

3. Write a style statement


Style Statement written on front of Style Notebook

 

Personal branding outfit Carrie McCarthy and Danielle LaPorte, authors of ‘Style Statement: Live by Your Own Design’ (you can also find them here) have made a business out of creating a two-word lifestyle map — that is, the style statement that, they say, can give you direction in personal style, career and your relationships. According to Carrieanddanielle.com, “Your Style Statement is your life trademark. It is a compass for designing a life that reflects your best self.” They ask their clients a multitude of questions and, through pattern recognition, they come up with a statement that ultimately defines the clients’ core (first word) and secondly, their creative edge. LaPorte’s statement is Sacred Dramatic; McCarthy’s is Refined Treasure. So, taking a leaf out of the successful duo’s book, why don’t you come up with your very own style statement? I don’t necessarily think this should be limited to two words (but it can be!) — you might prefer to come up with a sentence /paragraph that reflects your personality and your style direction. Grab a thesaurus and get writing!

Extra tidbits:

  • Once you are done, write your style statement in big letters on the front of your style book!
  • If you are feeling really creative, write a style statement poem (or haiku!)

 

4. Create outfits in Polyvore


Outfits created in Polyvore

 

For those of you that aren’t familiar with it yet, Polyvore is an amazing site that allows you to create and save virtual outfits. It’s the ultimate ‘try before you buy’ tool, as it allows you to import images from around the web, or search the extensive Polyvore catalogue, and mix it all up to see how different pieces look together. Genius! Use it to create a wishlist to take on your next shopping spree! 

5. Remind yourself of the power of good accessories!


Accessorise it!

 

A killer pair of shoes, an elegant scarf, interesting jewellery, sunglasses or belts, and a timeless bag all have the power to take a plain outfit from drab to instantly fabulous!

A great pair of heels can dramatically change your mood, your posture and your attitude. Yes please! Likewise, statement pieces of jewellery can be used to totally transform your look and emphasise your individuality. Play around with accessories to see what suits you and what you feel comfortable wearing. The great thing about accessorizing is that it doesn’t have to break the bank. Focus on building up a collection of classic and vintage pieces, but don’t be afraid to dabble with playful, inexpensive pieces to update your look here and there! It’s all about mixin’ and matchin’ baby!

6. Play around with make-up and hairstyles

Dolling yourself up and experimenting with hairstyles is so much fun! Invite a friend over and play around with different make-up styles (feminine pastels or perhaps La Sultry Minx, complete with smoky eyes and attention-grabbing lashes!) Decide what works best for you, and take lots of happy snaps so you can pour over them when you are feeling uninspired.

My advice is to buy a really informative beauty book. I picked up a copy of Rae Morris’ ‘Make Up: The Ultimate Guide’ a few months ago, which is fantastic and full of really helpful tips. Another great one is ‘The Truth About Beauty: Transform Your Looks And Your Life From The Inside Out’ by Kat James, which looks at beauty as a by-product of what’s happening on the inside. Lots of great advice on skin care and healthy eating!

7. Conduct a Wardobe Audit

You might need to set aside a day or two to do this (also great if your closet has gotten to that hideous stage where you can’t find anything!) Think about your style statement and refer to your style book — are the items in your wardrobe consistent with the direction you are steering your personal aesthetic? I’m pretty ruthless when it comes to throwing out things I don’t wear (in fact, perhaps a little TOO ruthless sometimes!) but use your own discretion here. Some items of clothing have the tendency to really overstay their welcome when we start the old “But… what if I need it for this, or this, or this?” routine. If you’re over it and it doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, do yourself a favour and donate it to your nearest second-hand store! While you’re undertaking your closet purging exercise, also identify pieces that may be fixed and customized at the hand of a good tailor.

Extra tidbit:

  • While we are on the topic of tailoring, finding a good one is an absolute godsend! Quite a while back, I found an excellent dressmaker and I have since had her whip me up several dresses and other pieces for special occasions. The results have been wonderful! I just design them up and away she goes! So good! Who doesn’t love one-off pieces, made exactly to order?!

8. Document fabulous outfits!

Looking extra special before a big night out, or have you just thrown together a work outfit that looks unexpectedly cool? Don’t let the opportunity to document your sartorial brilliance pass you by — grab a camera and start posing! Use a self-timer or ask your partner/ flatmate/ family member to help you out. If you don’t have a camera handy, make a note of what you wore in the back of your style book. Taking snaps of fab outfits is a wonderful antidote for those mornings when you roll sleepily out of bed and realize you have 10 minutes to be out the door! It reminds you of the way certain items fit your body; the way the blue in that forgotten tee brings out your eyes; or the way that black skirt and black heels combo really emphasizes your super long legs!

Extra tidbit:

 

Even if you haven’t gotten to a point where your personal style is easily definable, there may be elements that are bubbling under the surface or that other people associate with you. For example, I’m a HUGE fan of any shade of blue — particularly turquoise — and when I’m wearing it, or shopping with friends, the comments I continually receive are “That’s such a YOU colour!”

Work with colours, shapes, styles, patterns and materials that compliment your body. Your style will undoubtedly change as you as an individual change, and particularly, as your relationship with the world changes. Be adventurous. Don’t assume that what has worked for you in the past is working for you now. Developing a personal style is a process of evolution, of continual refinement and of fine-tuning — and the best bit — it’s a lot of fun! The achievement of a personal style means following your inspiration and vision, being creative, trusting your instincts, learning to take chances and making your own rules. This represents the journey towards a true style, a style that no one else has, a style that is unique to you: a personal style.

“Fashions fade; style is eternal” — Yves Saint Laurent       

Extra Reading:

So true!

Huge love & air kisses!

Rach xxx

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