What are Your Ten Commandments?

August 4, 2008

Poster by keri

 

In front of my computer sits a notice board with a piece of paper stuck right in the middle of it. On that piece of paper, in different fonts & sizes, are ten sentences that I have affectionately coined my “Ten Commandments” — ten truths that I like to remind myself on a daily basis. They are (in no particular order) as follows:


  • ONE: Fill up my skin with myself. Become empowered with my own magic!
  • TWO: Always follow my dreams. Take chances!
  • THREE: Have a healthy mind & a healthy body.
  • FOUR: Be honest, integral & true — no matter what.
  • FIVE: Love deeply. Always keep love in my heart & regularly remind people how special they are. 
  • SIX: Let go of comparisons! 
  • SEVEN: Put service to others first & foremost… money will always come.
  • EIGHT: Live a creative, meaningful, extraordinary (not ordinary!) existence.
  • NINE:  Greet each day with a smile! Be enthusiastic & laugh at any opportunity!
  • TEN: Show the world who I am!


Ultimately, these commandments reflect my core values & the things that are most important to me at this point in my life. I think it’s nice to draw ourselves back to what’s ‘real’ from time to time, especially when the idiosyncrasies & annoyances of daily life tend to creep in unwittingly sometimes! I have no doubt I will add or alter some of the commandments on my list as time goes on, but for now, I’m pretty happy with their message.

Soo… now it’s your turn! What are your Ten Commandments? What are your golden rules for living & loving life?

I would absolutely love to hear them! If you haven’t previously thought about articulating these ‘truths’, now is the perfect time to put it all out there! Sometimes writing things down can be really beneficial & spark off all kinds of inspirations & motivations; it’s just about giving ourselves a moment to sift through all the chatter in our minds & pondering what really matters to us.

You are all amazing (& don’t you forget it!)

Rach xxx

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Social Skills: How to Hold a Fabulous Conversation!

July 16, 2008

Photo by mboogiedown

I work in an industry (Public Relations) where it is all about communication, so I thought I would share my tips for holding fabulous, flowing, and mutually beneficial conversations!

1. MAKE A GOOD FIRST IMPRESSION
This one is pretty self-explanatory — always remember to show off your most glorious, wonderful self! Even if you are feeling low or not in the mood to speak to someone, introduce yourself with a smile, and shake the other person’s hand with a firm (not crushing) grip! Be charming, not fake, and be the person that gets remembered for all the right reasons! 

Check this out for more information on making a good first impression!

2. LISTEN 
This is the most important part of any conversation. Don’t listen solely to find a gap in the conversation in which you can take the floor — be genuine, wait your turn, & show the other person that you have absorbed what they’ve said before rushing in and stealing the limelight! Use eye contact and listening body language. Be careful about crossing your arms and appearing closed or critical; also, avoid looking around the room, or at your shoes or watch!  Occasional statements such as “I see,” or “Okay” show the person that you are listening and you’re interested in what they have to say. Another thing you might like to do, depending on the situation, is lightly touch the person on the arm, which can emphasise your agreement or empathy and make the person feel more connected to you (I’m a pretty “touchy” person, though, so take this as you please!)

WikiHow has a great article on How to Be a Good Listener here.

3. ASK QUESTIONS
What do they do for work? What’s going on in their life? Where are they from/what are they passionate about? Questions and answers naturally flow in conversations, and often one will piggyback off the other — however, be curious and show interest in the other person so that the conversation doesn’t revolve solely around them doing the asking and you doing the answering. People love to talk about themselves or their area of expertise, so ask them questions about their life and show a genuine interest in their responses. Likewise, use this an an opportunity to learn from the other person; everyone has something unique to offer. Ask open ended questions that require more than a “yes” or “no” answer, and remember to be polite at all times — probing and asking uncomfortable questions definitely doesn’t make for good conversation! Nobody likes to squirm! 

For suggestions for questions to ask in conversations, read here.

4. CONSIDER YOUR GESTURES 

Effective communicators — those who appear confident, trustworthy and competent — usually have strong body language. Does your body language back you up, or do you appear nervous, withdrawn, or bored? Don’t be afraid to gesture passionately with your hands when you speak — often the way we say something is just as important, if not more important, than the actual words themselves. When you are speaking with conviction, make sure your body language complements your message.

This article has more information on gesturing effectively when you speak.

5. PARAPHRASE

Using your own words, respond to the speaker by reiterating what they have said and showing your understanding. You may like to say something like: “Let me see if I’ve got this right, what you’re saying is…” or “I totally agree with the point you made when you said…” When you use paraphrasing techniques, the speaker has a chance to correct your understanding, affirm it, or embellish on it. A word of warning, though — don’t go over the top! “Parroting” the whole conversation back to the speaker is tres annoying!

6. DON’T PANIC IF THE CONVERSATION LOSES MOMENTUM

If the topic seems to have run out, use the silence to think for a moment and identify another conversation topic or question to ask them. Maybe they mentioned something earlier that you would like to revisit? Or perhaps you want to inject your own thoughts into the conversation? Don’t make a big deal out of the silence (and please, don’t highlight the lack of flow by saying something that draws attention to it, such as: “Gee, that was awkward!”) Take the pause as on opportunity to re-gather your thoughts, ask more questions, give an opinion, or make an observation, and you will transition smoothly back in to conversation in no time! 

7. DON’T INTERRUPT

Try not to cut the other person off mid-sentence. It’s disrespectful and gives the impression that you think that what you have to say is more important than what they are saying. Listen carefully, allow the person to finish & when the time is right, continue on and say your piece! 

Here’s an interesting piece on interrupting!

8. KNOW WHEN THE CONVERSATION IS OVER!

Even the best conversations will eventually run out of steam or be ended by an interruption. Take cues from the other person, and if they are starting to fidget, look around, or appear to be “rushing you” along, know when to wrap it up & make a grand departure! Shake the person’s hand again (and exchange business cards if you are in a work situation), let them know that you have really enjoyed speaking with them, and always end the conversation on a positive note by telling them you would love the opportunity to get together again soon!

Additional Tips: 

  • Don’t use the conversation to boost your ego, or show off your knowledge/ wit/ prowess! You should leave a conversation feeling that both parties had ample opportunity to take the floor. 
  • Always think before you speak — don’t argue for the sake of it. If you disagree with something the other person has to say, express your viewpoint simply and without putting the other person on the defensive. It is better to simply change the subject in a casual conversation than to get involved in an argument. Remember to be courteous, gracious and respectful. 
  • If the other person refuses to listen or contribute, see that as a reflection on them, not you!
  • Be sincere! Give compliments when you mean them — over-the-top flattery often comes across as fake, and people will pick up on it!

 

The purpose of a conversation isn’t to intimidate, control or belittle the person you are communicating with; rather it is to enjoy yourself, ensure the other person is enjoying themself, and if you are lucky, to walk away with having learned something special from that person. Happy conversing my lovelies!

“What I hearing you saying is….(!!!)”

Rach xxx

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The 10-Step Post-Break-Up Plan!

June 30, 2008

Photo by rakelilla/robin

There’s no doubt about it — break-ups hurt. Whether you’re the one that did the breaking up or the one that got dumped, the end of a relationship can make you feel inadequate, lonely, dejected, or just plain heart-wrenchingly sad. Below are my ideas on surviving, bouncing back and healing your heart quickly in the confusing time following a break-up:

  1. Detox time! What would be the first thing you would do if you were embarking on a health kick? You’d remove the junk currently residing in your refrigerator, right? Well, when it comes to break-ups, the formula is much the same — the temptations (in this case, temptations to wallow!) have gotta go! This new phase of your life calls for a clean out of reminders of you and your ex. Box up old photo’s and letters, and delete emails and text messages. What you focus on is what you feel, so follow the old ‘out of sight, out of mind’ rule to eradicate painful emotional triggers. I’m not saying it will necessarily be an easy task, but believe me, it will really help speed up the grieving process. Promise.
  2. While you’re at it, why not give your house/ room a spring clean? I find cleaning to be amazingly therapeutic and it will definitely take your mind off things for a while! Break out the vacuum cleaner, throw on your bikini, crank up your stereo, and get cleaning-crazy!
  3. Be kind to your body. When we feel stressed or upset, our emotions can wreak havoc on our bodies, and it’s especially important at a time like this to try and look after ourselves. Drink lots of water, eat regular, healthy meals, and steer clear of alcohol or substances — these depressants will only make you feel a thousand times worse in the long run.
  4. Exercise. It’s my fail-safe fix for any emotional crisis — I just find it such an incredible mind-clearing tool. Even if your endorphin buzz is short-lived, remind yourself that even small spurts of happiness are better than nothing. Your normal, vibrant, happy-go-lucky demeanour will return before you know it, and I think you will find that taking a proactive approach to working through your emotions is the fastest cure for a broken heart.
  5. Make an effort to throw on your favourite outfit, fix your hair, put on some make-up and get back out into the world! Hiding away in your pyjama’s, bleary-eyed, devouring blocks of chocolate and watching romantic movies unfortunately won’t have a very positive effect on your mood, so try and pick yourself back up and do something fun, just because you can. Go dancing, flirt, eat cupcakes in a cafe and stay so long the owners have to kick you out! It’s important to feel your way through your emotions, but it’s equally important when you are feeling flat to deposit innumerable amounts of glee back into your life… and the little things really do work!
  6. Seek out some new friends. Sometimes people feel torn by loyalty to both parties when a couple breaks up, so it’s always nice to branch out and meet new people. This doesn’t mean you have to stop seeing your current acquaintances — you’re merely adding new, happy faces to your friendship bank! Bond with people over common interests, see your glorious self as an outsider would, and check your relationship baggage at the door — remember that the process of making new friends is so you can move forward to better and brighter things!
  7. Take a trip somewhere fabulous! What are you waiting for? Generating new memories is the best way to stop backtracking and clinging on to the past. Sometimes, just separating yourself geographically from the situation can have a tremendously positive effect. Give it a go!
  8. Spend time alone. Re-connect with YOU. Meditate. Think. Plan. Recover. Set goals for the future that will enable you to reach your full potential as an individual.
  9. Move past feelings of rejection, loneliness, abandonment, and insecurity. These emotions will hold you back and undermine the healing process. Accept, forgive, and move forward with an open heart.
  10. Embrace new activities! You’ll probably find that you have some spare time on your hands now, so do something for yourself! Join a club, sign up for a course, fulfill a passion. The world is your oyster — set your heart on fire my little bright spark!

Please, please don’t bottle your feelings and drown your soul in sorrow. Talk it through. Get support. If you ever need someone to chat to, or just a shoulder to cry on, send me an email. In the time following a break-up, re-introduce to the world your wonderful, intriguing, wise, self — and remember, when one door closes, another one always opens. I firmly believe that!

Over to you:
What are your tips for dealing with a break-up? How have you dealt in the past? Spill the beans in the comments section! We all deal with things differently, so I would love to hear you take on it all!

Warm, affectionate hugs, big kisses & all the happiness in the world coming your way!

Rach xxx

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Quote 29th June 2008

June 29, 2008

Photo from foto decadent

 

I wish I could give credit back to the author for this amazing quote, by unfortunately it’s from someone by the name of ‘anonymous’! Anyway, I think it’s a fantastic quote & it really resonated with me… Hope it does for you too! Enjoy! 
 

People are unreasonable, illogical & self-centred.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people may accuse you of selfish motives.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you may win false friends & true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty & transparency make you vulnerable.
Be honest & transparent anyway.
What you spend your years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People who really want help may attack you if you help them.
Help them anyway.
Give the world the best you have & you may get hurt.
Give the world your best anyway.
The world is full of conflict.
Choose peace of mind anyway.

Big smooches,

Rach xxx 

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Job Interviews: Everything You Need To Know!

June 23, 2008

Photo by plaxocalendar

Job interviews can be daunting and intimidating. Believe me, I’ve had personal experience with them in recent times (in fact, I just got a shiny, brand-spankin’ new job last week!), which is why I’ve decided to put together this comprehensive guide that covers everything you will need to know about preparing yourself, dressing for monumental success, and absolutely blitzing your next interview! 

Preparing for the interview

Demonstrate a “good fit” — To get your head around the role you are interviewing for, list the requirements of the job point by point, then match them up with your experience. Make sure you commit all this to memory. 

Know the organisation — Do your research. Ask around; Google the company. Most organisations have websites these days, so trawl through them and find out things like: the products and services they offer; their target market; major competitors; company size & locations, etc.

Review your resume — I always like to give my resume a once over before going to a job interview — after all, you got the interview because the interviewer saw something in your CV that appealed to them. Identify what that is & remind yourself of your past accomplishments before the big day.

Answering tricky questions

It’s a good idea to jot down some answers to potential interview questions, as the more prepared you are, the less likely it is that you will freeze up if you are caught off-guard. Here’s some inspiration to help you get started! 

“Tell me about yourself.”
Demonstrate characteristics of your personality that relate to the job at hand. If you are interviewing for an administration position, for example, explain that you are highly organised and efficient. Show them that you have a bright, friendly and positive personality. Think about words such as: determined, integral, ambitious, hard-working, energetic, and so on.

“What are your reasons for leaving your last job?”
Martin Yate, author of Knock ‘em Dead 2007: The Ultimate Job Search Guide, suggests you choose one of the following reasons for leaving your last job:

Challenge: You weren’t able to grow professionally in that position
Location: The commute was unreasonably long
Advancement: There was nowhere for you to go
Money: You were underpaid for your skills and contribution
Pride or prestige: You wanted to work with a better company
Security: The company was not stable

“Why were you out of work for so long?”
If you took time off to travel the world, don’t be afraid to tell the interviewer. Globetrotting has become commonplace these days, and in my opinion, it’s certainly not a negative thing (well, unless you let slip that you can’t remember much of your time abroad because you were too busy guzzling Jagerbombs and vying for the title of National Vomit Champion*).  Play up the ‘life-experience’ factor, and explain how you felt it was fundamental to your development. 

If you didn’t venture overseas, but have considerable gaps in your work history on your CV, explain that you took the time off to seriously consider your next move. Tell the interviewer that it is important to you that you enjoy your work and you have been looking for an opportunity to work for a company in which you can make a solid long-term contribution.

(*Wow, can I just make a note here about how impressed I am by my ability to include “National Vomit Champion” in an article about job interviews. OH YES I DID!) 

“Why do you want to work here?”
The interviewer is basically testing your knowledge on the company when they ask this question. It’s your chance to shine and show them that you are serious about the role! Explain what appeals to you about their product/ service. Also tell them that, through your research, you can see that the company has a strong reputation for providing a stable and happy work environment, and that you feel that this will really encourage your best work. 

“What are your biggest accomplishments?”
Elaborate on your biggest achievement. Explain how you changed a process/ resolved an issue/ opened a new account/ built successful client relationships/ had work published, etc. Make sure you tell the interviewer that you are proud of your accomplishment (you should be!) Round your answer off by saying that you always strive to produce results of the highest standard, and in that sense, you are excited about all the achievements that still lie ahead for you!

“What is the most difficult situation you have faced?”
The interviewer wants to see, firstly, how you define “difficult” and secondly, how you handle tough situations. Tell them about the skills and techniques you applied to solve a specific problem.

“What are your salary expectations?”
If you are unaware of the salary for the role, ask to discuss the approximate pay range and answer in general terms. This is something that can be negotiated once an offer is made.

“What would you like to be doing five years from now?”
I think the best response to this question should include a statement about your desire to constantly challenge yourself and move forward. Explain that you like to be regarded as a professional and a team player, and express an interest in growing with the organisation and moving up the ranks.

“Why should I hire you?”
Make the answer short and to the point. Tell them you are the best person for the job, and back it up! Highlight areas from your background that relate to the job description.

What questions should I ask?

At the end of the interview, the interviewer will generally ask you if you have any questions.  You might like to ask: 

  • What is the next stage in the process — when will I receive feedback from this interview?
  • What are the key challenges of this role?
  • What long-term career opportunities are available?
  • What’s the company’s view on training?
  • How would you describe the workplace culture?

 

On the day…

Dressing for Success 
In most cases, the first judgement a potential employer makes about you when you arrive for an interview is how you look and what you are wearing. The aim here is to make a great impression and project an image that screams “I’m a professional, and you need me for this job!” Below are some fab prospective outfits for job interviews:

 

Things to Keep in Mind:

  • Err on the side of conservative — it’s quite boring, I know, but you know what they say about first impressions! Making the effort to dress appropriately shows the interviewer that you expect to be taken seriously. It’s polite, it shows you are interested in ‘wowing’ them, and the best bit? It will give you a little confidence kick knowing you look like you mean business!
  • Get your ensemble ready the night before. Give your outfit a test run, then press your clothes & polish your shoes. Shine ‘em up baby!
  • Try & lay off the heavy makeup — minimal is best! A light foundation, an inconspicuous blush, a clear/lightly coloured lip gloss, neutral eyeshadow (if you feel the need), black/ brown eyeliner & a coat of mascara says ‘chic’ (not ‘SHREEIIIIK!!’)
  • File nails so that they are tidy, & slick on one coat of clear or very light pink/ pearl nailpolish
  • Spritz yourself lightly (with an emphasis on lightly!) with an unobtrusive perfume —  a light floral fragrance always works a treat!
  • I usually pull my hair up for interviews, but if you decide to wear it out, ensure it is nicely blow-dryed & you have tamed those crazy fly-aways! If your hair tends to fall over your eyes, my advice is to pin it back for a more elegant look.

 

Flip your perspective — The words “job interview” always seem to conjure up negative connotations in our minds, but this needn’t be the case! I think we get caught up in fear and worry because we doubt our own abilities and capacity to “say the right thing” on the spot. Forget this! Put the interviewer in proper perspective — remember, they are just another human being like yourself! Let me put it to you that, from now on, instead of thinking ‘job interview’, you shift your thinking and see the whole experience as an exciting opportunity to meet and have a conversation with someone new. Old word: job interview. New word: conversation! Much better, don’t you think?!

Don’t be late — Arrive at least 15 minutes before your allotted interview time. Allow plenty of time for travel (it also helps if you have sussed out the location of the venue before the day of the interview). Give yourself 5 minutes before you go in for one last pep talk, and breathe! 

Be friendly & smile — Introduce yourself with a firm handshake and use great eye contact throughout the entire interview.  Display good manners — be professional and courteous. Use your enthusiasm as your arsenal! A little personality goes a long, long way…

Listen to the interviewer — This goes without saying! Refrain from interrupting, and if you don’t understand a question (or if something a bit left-field gets thrown your way), a good tip is to say, “I’m sorry, do you mind repeating the question?” The interviewer will generally elaborate at this point, and it will buy you a little more time to think up a brilliant answer!

Deal with nerves — Being nervous is normal and most experienced interviewers understand this. Many people tend to be overly talkative when they’re feeling nervous, so if this sounds like you, stick to the question being asked and answer it concisely. Try not to go off on tangents! A fantastic technique my mother told me about to quash nerves is to press your thumb into the middle (the reflex point) of your opposite palm. Apparently this is a technique that world leaders use before public speaking, and it works, I swear!    

After the interview

If you haven’t heard back from the interviewer within the specified timeframe, my advice is to make a follow-up call. Unfortunately, sometimes interviewers will fail to notify you if you haven’t been successful, and I highly recommend you take the initiative here — if not for peace of mind, then to ensure you don’t let any other job opportunities pass you by in the meantime! Every interview is a learning experience, so if you’re not successful, ask for some feedback. I find this really useful because it allows you to determine what you did well and what you need to improve for next time. I once went for an interview that I thought I had nailed, only to find out I had missed out because a candidate with 15 years experience in the role had beaten me to the post. In this case, calling for feedback really helped, as the interviewer assured me I was doing the right thing, but that, unfortunately, experience had won out over enthusiasm this time round. Don’t forget to remind yourself of that comforting, old adage (I pretty much live my life by it!): “What is for you, won’t go past you.”    

If you were unsuccessful, but still really want to work for the company, it’s always a nice touch to write a letter or email thanking the interviewer for giving you the opportunity to try out for the job, and asking them to keep your CV on record. You never know what will come up down the track, and besides, why wouldn’t you want to be remembered as that girl/ guy with impeccable manners?!

Closing thoughts:
Remember, the only way to appear confident in an interview is to actually believe you deserve the job. If you truly believe in yourself, that sense of self-assuredness will radiate from all your actions — the way you speak, your body language, your ability to present your experience and skills in the best possible light — and the interviewer will definitely pick up on it. If you don’t receive the desired outcome from your interview, remember to pick yourself up again and launch into a new opportunity with the same energy and optimism. I think that sometimes life gives you exactly what you are fearful of, to teach you, through direct experience, how your negative thoughts can draw to you the exact thing you have been dreading. Focus on success, draw out the lessons from your losses, and remember Thomas Edison! Whatever happens, don’t be disheartened!

…And, last but not least, always keep this in mind: you are interviewing THEM just as much as they are interviewing YOU! It’s about both parties finding something that suits their needs! Best of luck!

Also worth a peek:

Go forth, dazzle & conquer… you know you can!

Rach xxx

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